If you believe in the concept of a soul, you are probably also familiar with the concept of its journey.

Personally, I believe that our souls are on a journey of learning, development and exploration. Attributes we assign mostly to children, like curiosity, playfulness and joy in discovering new things should actually be a big part of everybody’s life at all times. But society (don’t even think, it is only modern society) has done a fine job to suppress this notion and replaced it with dogmas like ‘too grown up to dream’. When you are supposed to be adulting, but you’re a big dreamer, who is not done exploring the world yet, you might even get dirty looks and snide comments. 

These comments may come from your abuser, because this is one of the things that  separates them from others. 

Every soul aims to expand, to go on adventures and discover the world around them. It is a part of life and NO, you’re never too old to jump into a new adventure and discover something new. Even abuse survivors, who often feel stifled or even even hindered by what has happened to them, will eventually develop the need to explore and expand again. It can take years and years to fight your way back to this point, but you will listen to that inner voice again that is guiding you to the adventures that bring back joy.

You might be prompted to travel, to change jobs, move, change your wardrobe, pick up a new hobby or study something you want to know more about. It can really be as simple as that or it can be the adventure of a lifetime, like quitting your job and travel the world or starting a new business from scratch or you could be guided by some kind of event into taking a whole new perspective on life which is an adventure on its own.  Or it could be something completely different – your choice, your creativity, all yours really. This will probably be at a point, when you have already healed a little bit and it will assist you on your healing journey.

For abusive people, like narcissists and psychopaths, this doesn’t seem to be the case though. They do not seem to feel the need to expand and follow the voice of their soul. 

I remember distinctly asking one of my family members what they wanted to be when they were a child.  Their reaction was odd, to say the least.  She froze and gave me one of those dirty looks, we survivors are so used to.  She had nothing to say and my question created a very awkward moment of silence, which was almost unbearably long. It made me feel bad, like the co-dependant I am, but it was also evidence of how empty their lives really are, which even with all they do to us – it’s just so sad. 

This was ages before I even realised that parts of my family are deeply toxic and that I had been abused. But, it made me notice that at least this person is very different to me. Today, I believe this can be one of the red flags, that might enable you to identify a character disorder. They do not get excited about anything, not truly – they just pretend, they do.

Abuse, no matter what kind, sucks the life-force out of the victim.  Maybe it is because of this, that abusive people do not try to take good care of their own soul. They just take our energy.  

I don’t even want to think about an existence like that.  Yet, I find it fascinating. Abusive people don’t like to expand, because expansion almost always disrupts your daily routine. This is in direct conflict with their way of living, because when you aim to abuse, extort and hurt others, you really need this routine and you also need your victim to have one. Thus, they have no use for more freedom, as long as the system of abuse they put in place continues to work. No need for expansion.

If you suffer from PTSD after being abused, continue to listen to your gut, your intuition, your soul. Don’t give up – and eventually you will engage back into your personal growth, exploration and those soul adventures. You will surpass your abuser(s) and maybe, even after all you’ve been through, you might be bale to get some solace in the fact that they will never have that. Your possibilities, on the other hand, are unlimited.