It is never too late to be what you might have been.
George Eliot
Sadly, child abuse comes in many different forms. You may have been abused physically, sexually, psychologically, emotionally or you might have been neglected or all of the above. In any case, this will mean that you neither had the childhood you deserve nor the adult life you deserve.
It means that you never really got to be carefree and children (and actually, I feel grown-ups at least from time to time, too) should get the chance to be carefree. Life will ultimately put enough harsh experiences, lessons and responsibilities on you.
But more than this, when you are a child who faces the atrocities of abuse, your mind and soul will be completely overwhelmed with the experience and it takes a lot to make some sort of sense of it or even to suppress it. Energy, a child should be able to invest in getting to know the world.
More often than not, the abuser is someone you know, a family member, friend of the family, teacher or member of a friend’s family. As children we are prone to trust the ones close to us, trust the grown-ups, trust the ones in charge, otherwise this world just wouldn’t make sense. Why would the ones with all the responsibility do wrong? They surely wouldn’t have this kind of power, if they were bad? This betrayal of the natural trust of children makes child abuse in itself so sinister. Often the abuser was someone, we felt love for and whom we trusted.
Surviving childhood abuse often means, that we only fully realise the atrocities we’ve faced many years after it happened and by then, we are often already burdened with our own adult lives and responsibilities. I say “burdened”, because once you’ve become aware many of us require time and space to heal. But having a family of your own, school to attend, a job and other every day chores, can make it hard to take this much needed time for ourselves.
We were given a false image of the world and, more importantly, a false image of what love looks like. To us showing love means letting somebody do to us, whatever they please, without hearing us complaining about it.
But those internal and sometimes also external scars, will ultimately have an impact on our adult life. We might attract love relationship, friendships and work situations that mimic our abusive past without even knowing it. We suffer from Complex PTSD , we have not followed our hearts and dreams, haven’t fulfilled our full potential, we’ve never really gotten to know ourselves or developed a healthy self-esteem. Sometimes this might even manifest itself in a death-wish.
Because we have a tendency to suppress these gruesome childhood memories or talk it down, they hit even harder when they bubble up. I know it is very hard to acknowledge that someone you loved and trusted would do this to you. It is also a popular believe that abuse is only abuse if it is physical. Not true. Just look at your emotional scars. There is no shame in acknowledging that something unspeakable happened to you, when you were young. The shame belongs to the abuser and whether you’re still in contact with them or not, whether you are able to forgive them or not – you absolutely have a right to reclaim your life.
If you deal with this, it will hurt but it will also benefit the ones closest and dear to you, like your own children. You will get to know yourself and be able to fulfil those suppressed dreams. There is always a way. Reclaim your lost childhood, too. It’s never too late for some childlike fun and to take back your joy. Find things you enjoy, silly things, a new hobby maybe, a new passion.
I know it is not easy, but the more you’ll try, the easier it’ll get and you will experience more and more joy, trust a little more, be a little more adventurous, curious and your life will change.
Never stop visualising a better future and never lose hope. This may sound impossible but it is not. You deserve to be happy and it wasn’t fair that someone took this part from you early in life, but it doesn’t mean that tomorrow can’t be great. Plus you will finally get to know the amazing being you are. You survived this – that means you are a superhero. You can do anything your heart desires.
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