“Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other peoples’ thinking. Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know, what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Steve Jobs – Stanford Commencement Address
I always felt like an outsider, I never really felt like I belong. Mostly because, I figured out quickly that my opinions, my personal take on life, my very own hopes and dreams did not match the ones of the people surrounding me. What was so strange to me though, was that being different in many ways made me a target. All my life, people have been telling me what I can and cannot do, how I am supposed to see things and even what I’m supposed to think and feel to a certain degree.
We live in times where anything seems possible and opportunities are boundless. We can choose whatever, we want to be. So many choices, so many career paths, so many places to live, do you want to get married – do you not want to get married? Do you feel like stying in the town/ place, you were raised or do you want to move away? Do you want to be employed – do you want to go into business for yourself? Do you want to rent or buy a house? Often, when we are little, we are being told that we can be whatever we want.
However, this paradigm seems to change quickly, once you’ve grown up. On the outside, it may look like we are enjoying more freedom than ever before in the history of mankind. At least that’s what I thought it would be like, when I grew up. In everyday life, however, it doesn’t always seem that way.
There is an awful amount of dogma, an almost sinister force of so called traditions and narrow mindedness at play. It starts with a believe that the place that you were born in determines who you are, that the colour of your skin determines who you are, that your personal goals and dreams deem you a fool, a whole lot of ageism and maybe worst of all a determination that those who not follow a life path which is similar to our peers and maybe dare to have a go at our dreams are not to be trusted and sometimes ostracised.
This dynamic really plays into the hands of abusive people. Because it pretty much ensures that their victims stay exactly where they are, more often than not in a submissive position. It is also easy for them to induce fear, when the abused get any ideas to change that, like making a change in their own life that might give them just a little bit more freedom, they would tell you things like ‘Are you sure you wanna do this? ‘, ‘I just wouldn’t want you to embarrass yourself!’, ‘Don’t you think you’re too old for that?’ or ‘Everyone thinks this is a bad idea!’….
Dogma is created under the assumption that everybody wants the same things – not true at all. And it has the unfortunate power to put people who have been abused into a deeper depression.
I was pretty horrified, when I started to notice recently that there are even many inspirational speakers out there who seem not all that free-spirited, as they claim to be and seem to try to put some kind of restriction on people.
But I also noticed the dogmatic comments from people who surround me in my every day life. Their overall conclusion seems to be, that everyone’s life should look similar. You should make similar choices in more or less the same timing. If not you’ll risk being snuffed at, ridiculed or even become an outsider.
This dynamic enables abusers, puts people who didn’t dare to follow their dreams in depression and to a certain degree makes society plunge into addictive behaviours (sugar, alcohol, work, sex…) when people feel like they can’t keep up. The constant comparison is toxic and the illusion is fed by those who profit, like abusive individuals, the pharma, food and other industries and of course the kind of people, who try to make themselves feel better by judging others.
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.”
Henry David Thoreau
Maybe the number of choices can be intimidating but that doesn’t necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with choosing. As long as you don’t hurt anyone else, why shouldn’t you be you and live your own life? Individualism doesn’t have to equal egoism. Going your own way might be challenging sometimes, but man it is going to be worth it!
You have to have the freedom to let your heart guide you You also have the right to make mistakes along the way – you are human. But do not just let these social dogmas define you. Once you’ve stepped away from it – you might discover a whole new world.
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