Abuse does not discriminate. No matter what the colour of your skin, your hair, your age or your gender may be, whether you are rich or poor, you might have been abused as a child or later in life. And just as the victims of abuse come in all shapes, so do the abusers. They can be lovers, friends or family and they can and will go to different lengths to torture you. Whether they are aware of it or not.
Survivors need courage more than anything else
We have kind of agreed on the term survivor for victims of narcissists, psychopaths and other manipulators. That seems fair enough. You should be proud to have survived the agony, you’ve been put through. Surviving anything implies a certain kind of strength. This survivor’s mentality will be helpful in making sure that nobody will ever be able to hurt you like this again. However, I believe that it is important to remember that we are also victims. And a victim who wants to overcome that state of being needs courage.
When we think survivor, we often relate that term to strength. But when we consider the journey a survivor has to take to even find their strength, there is that term again: courage.
When reality hits, when we suddenly see the abuse through our parents or caregivers clear as day and we acknowledge, in how many abusive love relationships we followed that co-dependent pattern. When we realise, how this one co-worker always takes advantage of us, no matter how exhausted we are or how a lifelong friendship has always been a oneway street … it feels like hitting a brick wall, head front. We were left alone, ostracised and at the same time, the abuser took all we had to give. It doesn’t feel like strength at all.
If you are a survivor of sexual, emotional, physical or any other kind of abuse, my heart goes out to you. The pain you felt and most likely still feel today, doesn’t compare to anything. You deserve admiration and acknowledgement for going through this and surviving!
But this also means that you found your courage at some point. You had the courage to walk away, to confront, to change and to start over. You had the courage to realise:
No one has the right to hurt you, simply because they can.
No one has the right to hurt you, because someone hurt them too.
No one has the right to put you down, just because they crave control more than anything.
No one has the right to tell you to be different, just because they are not happy to accept you the way you are.
You faced the truth, you changed, you walked, you started all over – you have courage. If you are in the process of breaking free – you have courage. When the flashbacks make you cry and cringe inside, but you still carry on – you, my friend, have courage!
Never forget how awesome you are, brave souls…the world needs your courage!
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